I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
