i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
my liver is dry heaving
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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