Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's blow job season.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
