What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
