remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
