the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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