FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
