In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
