Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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