dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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