i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
