True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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