He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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