the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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