Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
