Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
