Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
