I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize