We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
