You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize