Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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