i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
