I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
