I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
