I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Vodka?
Forever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
