Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
