I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
