Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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