well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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