just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
