I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
