i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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