farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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