I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize