So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
