I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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