I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
