Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
