Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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