he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
