he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So many bounce houses so little time
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
