just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
