You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
