mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
