I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
