Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
