I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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