is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hippo gnu deer
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
