I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
