She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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