if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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