we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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