Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
