The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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