This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
