I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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