i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
