You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
farters have to be the big spoon...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
