You smell like stripper and shame
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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