And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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