Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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