I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
