Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
there is glitter all over my balls
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