guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
