Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
