I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
