I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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