If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
