I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
