i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
