I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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