I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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