talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
