I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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