I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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