you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
