Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize