I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
