So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
