My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
