tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
