No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
