This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
