You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if you like me you must not know who I am
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
