There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
two words: eviction party
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
