I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
