just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
