It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
