Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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