great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize