Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
